I don't wanna love her
by Robyn Estelle
Summary: Jade is confused about what she feels for Tori


"_So close, a perfect start, so undeniable, fallen apart. So right from wrong; so beautiful. Truly defining, so hard to let go._

_She's always knocking doors into my thoughts. I don't wanna love her; I don't want her in my life. I don't want her near me, but she's so deep inside. I don't wanna love her, no; I just wanna fly away, but broken wings don't fly"_

Jade West was alone in the janitor's closet with her favorite pair of scissors. Her jet-black hair swung loosely in front of her face, blocking her vision. Giving a huff of frustration, she swiped it out of the way and shoved it behind her right ear. She continued to shred the garbage can into tiny little pieces, a pathetic attempt at curbing her anger and the tears that came with it. Crying was something Jade desperately hated, but unfortunately, angry tears had plagued her since she was a small child. It never really made sense to her, but it had become a part of her life.

_A young Jade stalked off of the playground, tears running through the dirt that was smudged onto her cheeks. Her brows pointed inward as she stomped her way over to the bench where her nanny sat, legs coming uncrossed as she leaned forward and stretched her arms toward the dark-haired little girl. She caught Jade's face in her hands when she came close enough, wiping the tears away with her thumbs. "What's wrong, honey, are you hurt?"_

"_No," the girl huffed, her mouth closing into a slight pout as she ran the back of her hand across her cheek, attempting to clear the tears. Instead she just smudged more dirt into her skin, "That mean boy stole my swing. I wanted to punch him, but then my eyes got all wet and he started laughing at me." Isabel smiled sympathetically as she looked into the little girl's eyes. She had gotten a small towel out of her bag and was cleaning Jade's hands before moving on to her face. "Why am I crying, Isabel? I'm not sad!"_

"_You're angry, baby" Isabel replied, still smiling softly, "It happens, Jade. It's not unusual." Jade plopped onto the bench next to Isabel and quickly let out a breath, crossing her arms on top of her chest._

"_Well I think its stupid."_

Suddenly, Jade was snapped out of her reverie. She heard the door creak open but she kept her head down, squeezing the last of the tears out of her eyes and taking a few calming breaths. "What do you want, Vega?" Tori looked down at Jade and frowned, biting her lower lip. The sight of the paler girl sitting Indian style on the floor, wielding a pair of wine red scissors captivated her. The Latina's eyebrows knit together as she realized she actually had nothing to say. She clung to the large wooden door, nervously drumming her fingers against it.

"I just, ah… I guess… I guess just wanted to apologize?" she managed to say with at least a small bit of confidence. Against her better judgment, she stepped inside the closet and allowed the door to swing closed behind her. Her fingers were knotted together and she twisted them even more, attempting to think of what to say next. Jade hadn't even looked up once, but she had put the scissors down, keeping her eyes trained on the shiny linoleum floor. They were silent for a long time; Tori fidgeted nervously and Jade's anger slowly mounted. She could feel the tears welling up behind her eyes.

Mustering up all of her control, Jade managed to say in a quivering voice, "For what exactly are you apologizing for?" With that, she tore her gaze from the floor and made her eyes focus on a spot vaguely near Tori's eyes. After such a long silence, Tori couldn't help but jump at the sound of Jade's voice, especially so small and vulnerable. When she saw Jade's face, her heart wrenched terribly and she felt herself yearning to hug the paler girl, who had obviously been crying.

"For… For—I don't know Jade! You ran off so quickly," Her voice was rising in both pitch and volume, her arms making wide gestures as she spoke. The change made Jade shrink further back into the corner, "I didn't know what I was supposed to say!" The look of wild confusion on Tori's face made something inside the paler girl snap. In the heat of the moment, Jade stood up, leaving her precious scissors on the floor beside her feet. The angry tears spilt over, but she blinked them away. Furiously grasping at words in her brain, she continued to come up dry again and again. Tori was still yelling, "My God, Jade, what did I ever do to deserve such hate from you! I've only ever been nice to you; I tried to befriend you!"

It was all to much for Jade, whose tears were flowing freely now, her nails digging ferociously into the palms of her hands. She closed her eyes for a moment, shaking all over. "Vega," she warned, but there was no stopping the tanner girl, whose voice was edging on teary.

"You constantly put me down, make sarcastic remarks," she was counting things off on her fingers, still yelling animatedly. "I'm sick of it!" She finished, "I'm so fucking sick of it," she added in a lower tone. They stood in silence for some amount of time, both girls' chests heaving. The tears had dried on Tori's cheeks, leaving her looking completely and utterly defeated. When Jade had still not said a word, Tori felt new tears forming behind her eyes. Jade watched as Tori's bottom lip quivered, then gave. If she hadn't been crying before, she definitely was now. She turned toward the door, closing her eyes and shaking her head slightly, as if to clear her brain.

Her hand was on the metal doorknob when suddenly, she felt herself being yanked back into the closet by her free hand. Jade pulled the tanner girl closer to her, crashing their lips together. Jade's arms curled around the small of Tori's back and pulled the girl closer to her. After a moment's hesitation, Tori's eyes fluttered closed and her fingers tangled themselves into Jade's dark hair as she felt herself being pushed up against the door. The two girls were still crying, their kisses wet and passionate.

Then, with a gasp, Jade pulled back. She pushed Tori out of the way and fled from the janitor's closet, leaving a confused and still crying Tori Vega all alone.


End file.
